High Maintenance

by Grey Bard
Email: fitzrose at email.msn.com

 

Maru? Let me in, okay? You've got to know this isn't helping.

 

The way you've been acting - having 'vent failure' at Tyr, shocking Rommie's poor avatar, all those door and drive malfunctions... Let me tell you, you've definitely made an impression.

 

Yesterday, though, yesterday completely took the cake. Do you think you might have gone a little far? I've got to say, the way you blew Trance out the vacuum toilet was certainly memorable.

 

Funny, yes. But it took us half an hour of EVA work to catch her and drag her back in.

 

So Dylan's all 'This has got to stop' and I'm like 'No kidding, we aren't all as easy to thaw as a Trancicle.'

 

And Beka? Beka is unhappy. She has no idea what's wrong and she is very, I mean very worried about you.

 

Now she may have practically grown up with you and faced death with you and may love you like you're a second parent or something, but she doesn't have that inside intimate knowledge like I do.

 

After all, I'm your engineer, and I know stuff.

 

Like I know what's with you because I'm an engineer. And you have no idea how sorry I am. I'm fool. I'm blind, worse than a Nightsider's tailor.

 

I'm sorry I made you jealous.

 

 

 

  Easy, easy there big fella. It's just the Harper feeling his way in. Come on, baby, show me where it hurts. AG fields all tangled?

 

Yeah, bet that is a bit of a strain. No problem, I can make it all go away. I'll just twiddle a little here and synchronize the flow between valves five and six, like that, uh huh. Niiiice. Doesn't that feel better? Yeah, trust the magic fingers, baby.

 

What, that old tub? No offense to Rommie, she's a beautiful wonderful ship and all, but she is a class A standard issue High Guard ballbuster. I save her life, fix her slipstream core and build her a top grade all the bells and whistles avatar from freaking spare parts and what do I get? 'I hope you wore gloves, Harper.' And I thought to myself, 'The Maru never treats me like that. The Maru, now that's a ship with heart.'

 

So there's a little distortion around valve three? Bet it's just vibrating like crazy, right? Frustrating as all hell. Bet that's just like an itch you can't scratch. Is it? Is it? Ohhhh. I did good, hunh?

 

But no one's as good as you are, and I've been on enough ships to know. No one responds the way you do. Yeah, you know how to treat an engineer. Now the Andromeda, she may have all these mechanical fail-safes and bots out the wazoo, but me? I'm more of a hands on kind of guy.

 

More of the hands on? There's a circuit panel right about here that's asking for a ionic scrub, yeah.

 

But, hey, maybe it isn't asking loud enough. Nah, you're not the only one feeling unappreciated.

 

Hmmmm... I don't think you want it enough.

 

You want the ions? You want the ions?

 

Beg.

 

Beg me, yeah, make it happen.

 

Tell me how good it is, tell me how much you want it.

 

Whose ship are you? Whose ship are you?

 

 

 

 

Yow.

 

 

 

 

I missed you, you know that? You're it. You're the ship. You're the first to matter like this and that's something. Yeah, it is. I mean that.

 

Seriously, I try to be good to Rommie, cause you and me? We landed in clover, on this one, Quickdrives. All the fresh parts we could ever need, some hot new weapons tech - which may I add, looks good on you. Daring, rakish, pirate chic. Oh and safe harbor in a state of the art docking bay between jaunts. A place where we don't have to worry about AG or life support or engines or anything. Just quality upkeep time.

 

Just you and me and a nanowelder.

 

 

Grey Bard