( with apologies to John Colicos)
by Karen Winter
"I discovered that villains, like blondes, have more fun."
J. Colicos

They shout to the housetops, or whimper and whine;
They go storm the ramparts, or stay home and pine;
But acting life's drama, for better or worse,
Everyone wants to play Hero, of course.

They all want the white hat, to fight for the right,
To lead poor old mankind from darkness to light:
So ruggedly handsome, so morally keen,
With all the pizzazz of a programmed machine.

So I'd rather play the villain, 'cause the villains have more fun.
They're wily, and they're witty, and they're wicked, every one.
They're slimy and despicable, or orgulously grand,
But whatever may be said of them, they're never, never bland.

The hero gets the girl at last, the villain gets the shaft.
But when the house is sold out, and the final laugh is laughed,
The pallid hero's fame is built on sand that's shifting fast,
But the villains' built upon a rock, and, brother, does it last!

When Kor was the baddie, and Klingons were tops
At menacing Kirk and his galactic cops,
I found out, alas, that Organians cheat,
So I moved up to wipe out the whole human fleet.

But warriors and gadgets and pure maidens fair,
The noble Commander bowed down with stern care,
The kid and his dagget, the lovers in grief,
Were, all of them, boring beyond all belief.

So I'd rather play the villains, 'cause they make up their own rules.
They have cellars full of brandy, they have caskets full of jewels,
They have eager wenches panting to assuage their evil lust,
And they get to crush their foes and grind their faces in the dust.

Those naughty little passions that we're not supposed to feel:
The villains take our fantasies and play them out for real.
From STAR TREK to GALACTICA, (when all is said and done)
I'd rather play the villains – 'cause the villains have more fun!


Winter's Tales