Five-Word Fanfics


"I love your shoes!"


Email: JennieeMcg at




"Oh! Again, Dorian."


"Klaus... that was wonderful!"



"This never happened!"

"Yes, darling."


"How was it?"







"Ten o'clock?"



Email: kadorienne at

"No! No! No!... Well, okay."

"I win the office pool!"

"We're just trapping blackmailers, understand?"

"Of course I'm gay. Idiot."

"Dorian... I'm getting married tomorrow."

"Aww, lemme fuck it better."

"This microfilm's gonna cost you."

"Well, if Doyle and Bodie...."

"Give my pants back, pervert!"

"Just this once, got it?"

"Three are better than two."

"Major, darling... I'm an elf."

A Kadorienne PG-13 fic: "Darling!" *mwah* *fade to black*

And a death story one, just for Maf: "Dorian, I... I love *ulk*."

Cassie Ingaben
Email: cassieingaben at

"Electric currents to my groin?"

Email: azurite at ROGERS.COM

"I'll steal that.… Klaus! Run!"

"Nice bathtub for a tryst."

"A rose, a gun.... Explosive!"

"Haircut? You feeling lucky, punk?"

Email: mailto:boobeast at ATTBI.COM">

"Oh, my God, you're HUGE!"

Email: LadyNettle at AOL.COM
"My, what a big gun."

"So that explains the nickname."

What Dorian wants, Dorian takes.

And for those with more diverse tastes...

"Distract the Russians how, sir?"

"G, wear the red dress."

"I'm worth more than that!"

And hey, you can do this straight from canon:

"You never do IT anymore!"

Grey Bard
Email: fitzrose at MSN.COM

"Major?!" "Not now, he's busy."

"It was a ...special interrogation."

Lost: my underwear, my dignity.

"I knew capitalists were decadent!"

Took savings & Bonham. -James

"Z..." "Sir! No excuse, sir!"

"Togas, Dorian?" "When in Rome..."

"No more crossovers." "Pika! Pika!"

-0° Hell. Come home. -Dorian

Flying pigs. I'm coming. -Klaus

"Poor spyiekins..." "Let go, woman!"

"Your gun?" "Cigar's a cigar."

"Batman, obviously Batman." "More Tequila?"

"An hour ago?!" "Not anymore."

"What secret KGB technique?"

Email: Cynthia.Odiorne at

Dear Diary,
Have stolen Major.

Red shirts aren't that bad.

Trade. The painting...for you.


Email: tiguerisa at NETSCAPE.NET

Wire rope. Red Roses. Sigh.


Innervoice Chan

Eroica/Highlander crossover in five words: "Three thousand year old Alphabet."

Margaret Price

“A smile! It’s a beginning.”

“Going up or down?”

“Being rear ended is bad?”

The microfilm is inside what?”

“You, outside. Now!”

“That red shirt…”
“It’s yours.”

“A lovely green…”
“Just pour.”

“Blue eyes."
“Never noticed."

“I’m out of red.”

“Always in brown.”
“I’ll strip.”

“Black like…”
“Just cut it.”

“Not with you here.”


“Too much?”
“For you, nein.”

“How’s that?”
“Not enough.”

“My sixth sense…”
“Is perverted.”

“You smell of…"

“Don’t touch.”
“Let me.”

“Come see my etchings.”

“You stole my heart.”

“Diamonds are forever.”
“Until stolen.”

“We’re oil and water.”

“What did you...? Shit!”


“Drink or me, darling?”

“Snow! Let’s play.”
“Let’s not.

"What did we...? Fuck!"

“Why’s it so dark?”




“I’m to reach up where?”

“When did that happen?"

"Why’re you smiling?"

“My pants!”

“Dorian, how do I—?”

“If I say, yes— Ah!”

“Happy Birthday, Major.”
“It was.”

“Merry Christmas! I’m your present!”

“I’m your cabana boy.”

“D’you love me?”

“Not now!”

“Did I ever…?”
“Very probably.”

“Saving time.”

“You hit me!”
“Not hard.”

“You started it!”

“It says, ‘position wanted.’”

“Wha—! Ow!”
“Love hurts.”